Wake Up.

6:38 a.m.

I felt lightheaded as soon as I lifted my head from my pillow.

I am running on three hours of sleep.

I slept so soundly after facing rocks, freezing water, and breath taking views, why couldn't I sleep the same yesterday...

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I have no reason to stay up so late. Well, I do - kinda? For one, I kinda screwed up, but the difference this time is that I don't feel helpless. I feel ready to tackle the problems face on. Why? Simple. My mind won't let me create negative thoughts. After getting bruises and cuts from climbing boulders, and after getting into ice cold water, I've learned a few things. My mind is as powerful as I make it. My mind is the most powerful thing and perhaps the only thing that prevents me from doing certain things. The fear I created in my mind became a 600 foot river that seemed impossible to cross, while all the while it was only a puddle two-feet in diameter ( applies to a LOT of areas in my life for the past few quarters, including last year.)

Well, I already knew this in a way, but I never actually practiced it so much as this particular day. I felt that I was being tested every time I came across a new path, a new boulder, a new wall, new heights. I figured it would be easier as we moved on, but each boulder we had to climb seemed different, more dangerous than the last - which perhaps wasn't so much true, but in my mind I made is so.

All I know is that I couldn't have quite done it on my own. It doesn't matter how much you deny it, but it's you who helped me change my mindset. I was determined to continue - yes. I don't give up easily, or try not to for the most part. However, I could not have trusted myself on my own. You taught me a beautiful thing, and that is that I can trust myself (as I once did) - I have to trust myself - but also that I can trust too (again as I once did). My fear, which was perhaps more than what is seemed in the surface, was eased with the trust I put in you too.


I get hurt really easily.

Like a bruise that lingers for days with its purple, pink, and black hues. Hurts stay in my heart for a while. So, yeah. They have prevented me from being in certain situations. However right now, my heart is not full of bruises - my knee might be but not my heart. Right now, my heart is brimming with happiness. I have a feeling that it will remain for a while.

Merci :)