Friday, April 20, 2012

"But on the other hand, you came"

I'm so self-concious about my writing now that I hardly feel the care-free, mistake prone writing that I was so accustomed to in the past. It becomes increasingly difficult to write in this space ever since my life fell apart. Plus, I found out about this nifty google account that allows one to see who views this blog - down to the city and server. I freaked out a bit.

I know it shouldn't be a problem, because I'm ultimately writing for myself. Yet, I cannot help feeling a bit of anxiety when a specific person might be viewing what I have written , it changes everything. Why do you all of a sudden show up? Is my writing meant to change the way people think of me? Honestly, that answer, shouldn't matter. Yet, it does for a specific person (s). 

I don't know that I want to change your mind, you can make it up yourself, without needing some sort of evidence on here for being my friend or not. I don't want to change your mind on what you decided about me a long time ago. I'm beyond tired, and I don't want to play that dancing game anymore. I'm trying to find meaning in my life right now, without finding my worth in others. I sound like a high school girl huh? Welp. 

 I leave you (mostly the empty space of the internet) with one of the most sad poems I have discovered recently.